imperfection is beautiful.

It’s just been one of those weeks. One of those days. One of those years. A year I wish you were still beside me, reminding me everything is going to be alright. It feels like yesterday we were running around your house singing obnoxiously and dancing on every possible space we could find. You were always so careless. Not in the negative way, but in a way that I envy greatly. You never worried about what people said, or looked around to see people’s expressions. You always kept that beautiful smile on your face. You really are so beautiful, wherever you are. I just wish there was a way to talk to you. I have so many questions I ask myself daily - how didn’t I realize? Hw could this happen? Why didn’t I pick up on the hints!? I was there 20 minutes prior to the accident. And yes, I do call it an accident. You were too flawless to have done this on purpose. I just wish I could have gotten you help. You were there when my world started to spin out of control. You were the one person I could count on after grandma passed. You carried me higher than Ive ever been before. I picked up a dandelion today, you know, the ones we use to make wishes on and blow them into the wind? I was instantly reminded of the day you and i were up to no good in that empty field. Our parents never trusted us together. You found what seemed to be the only dandelion in that field and picked it up. You brought it to me saying, “chels, I have the best idea - we’ll both blow at the same time and both wish to stay best friends until we die! That way, it has to come true.” I can still hear you saying it. Come back, Sarah. I’m still here waiting to keep our friendship going. A promise is a promise, and I won’t ever let that die. I know they say time heals everything, but I’m still awaiting the day the pain of not having you beside me doesn’t hurt as much anymore. Rest easy, beautiful girl. I love and miss you so much more than I could ever express.

cant you please just sit down for a day? Ask how I’m doing. Ask to go on a date. Take a few minutes to just breathe. Take a day to focus on important things. Think about us, yourself, our dog, our house, anything besides what you think about now. It seems we never have time for each other anymore. It kills me every single day. Remember when I broke down crying yesterday that started as a simple laugh? It’s because I feel alone. I’m facing losing my aunt once again and you aren’t there to talk to. You always are working or going to meet up with other people. Can’t we just be us again? You promised me I’d never feel alone another day in my life, but look where we’re at now. Slowly but surely, we have found a way to spend the least amount of time as possible together. Its not fair to either of us. come back to me. Come up behind me and kiss my neck, hug me at the most unexpected times, hold my hand in the car, show me you still want this! Yes, it sounds needy, but Its true - I need you. I need us back. I need us to be back to normal. It’s not the way things used to be, and I’m not going to accept that change. Help me do as much as I can to help you. Help me understand that I’m not alone. Please, you’re the only one who understands me. Just help.